Why the 1904 Olympic Marathon Winner Took a Car Ride

The Baffling Beginnings of the 1904 Olympics

The 1904 Summer Olympics in St. Louis wasn’t just any ordinary Olympic event. In fact, even calling it that seems excessively lenient. It was more of a carnival circus without the safety nets, and amid all the chaos, a peculiar marathon event unfolded. With a total of only 32 competitors from 4 different countries, you'd think at least this could be pulled off smoothly. You thought wrong.

The entire Olympics being overshadowed by the World's Fair, confusing scheduling, and general organizational mayhem was only the start. Running a marathon through the dusty roads of St. Louis, with its infamous misshapen course and rampant automobile hazards, was another story altogether.

The Marathon Mischief

I mean, who could forget the grand idea of organizing a marathon in temperatures reaching nearly 90°F (32°C)? Not to mention, with a single water station conveniently located halfway through the race. If that’s not a test of endurance and sanity, what is?

But John, don’t be shocked when I tell you that the race winner, Thomas Hicks, didn’t exactly play by the rules. And I’m not just passing the blame. Instead of sticking to the tried and true method of running on foot, Hicks decided on a cheeky detour and a partial car ride, because, duh, obviously?

Aided by a car, some strychnine—a rather unconventional choice of energy drinks—and brandy (because who doesn’t need a cocktail mid-race?), Thomas Hicks managed the impossible or the absurd rather: He won!

Rest of the Marathon Madness

Let’s not forget our silver medalist Fred Lorz. Lorz, setting the tone of jest broke marathon decorum too, briefly hitching a ride in a car for half of the distance. In a reverse Oprah move, instead of “You get a medal, and you get a medal,” it's more like “You ran? Close enough, have a medal!”

Amusingly so, Lorz, half-jokingly accepted applause galore until someone thought, “Wait, doesn't this seem a tad bit...wrong?” Wrong it was. His cheeky behavior was later found out and subsequently disqualified (gasp!). Too bad reality TV wasn’t a thing, because imagine the ratings!

The Science Behind The Chaos

In the chaos of yore, it turned out that consuming small doses of strychnine was—for whatever reason—believed to be a performance enhancer. Of course, today, this would be laughed at by scientists and Olympians alike, but back then, it was one way to gain an edge.

Let’s also not underestimate the effect of alcohol. Brandy, to be precise, apparently was considered a hydration tool when, well, there wasn't any actual hydration happening. Today, marathoners hit the energy gels. Back in 1904, they hit their stride with strychnine and a good ol' swig of...err, spirits.

Lessons from the Twilight Zone

What did we learn from this mystifying escapade into Olympic history? Firstly, reliable transport is crucial unless you’re aiming for a scandal. Also, don’t make your athletes partake in potentially life-threatening concoctions.

It's a wild world we live in, folks. Nevertheless, the events at the 1904 Olympics remind us of just how far we've come in terms of fairness, rules, regulations, and just a smidge of common sense.

And finally, with every odd historical event lies a lesson in evolution, both in our sporting ethics and common understanding of competition. The 1904 marathon might have been a messy, sweat-inducing trip, but it managed to propel the world's longest competitive footrace into proper regulation. At least until someone invents teleportation bicycles. Or just regular teleportation, thanks?

So, remember, next time you're handed a bottle of brandy on a hot day—or just want to experience a taste of historical absurdity—there's always the 1904 Olympic Marathon as a reminder that perhaps, we don’t have it all figured out. Yet.

Wrong. Wronger. Internet Wrong.

Many people assume that Olympic marathons have always been bastions of strict discipline, integrity, and endurance. However, the 1904 Olympic marathon exemplifies that this wasn't always the case. The perception that early Olympics were organized with the same level of precision and universality as today's events is misleading. The 1904 event in St. Louis featured makeshift courses, negligible water stations, and the assumption that participants would cope with less-than-ideal conditions to perform against the odds. Furthermore, the use of substances like strychnine and alcohol was fairly accepted, unbeknownst to its bizarre and potentially dangerous nature. The narrative of the marathon's unsanctioned shortcuts and playful indiscretion unveils the chaotic, less ceremonious reality of early 20th-century sportsmanship.